I was invited – the invitation was a personal note, not a formal card – to a wedding. I was more than surprised, and conflicted. I was unsure about what to do. I not only did not expect it, I had thought I would be unlikely to hear from her ever again. Her brothers had warned me off after my last visit to Dublin.
I was at peace with it, Hobb’s choice though it was. Making plans I was, for the rest of my life, and so on, though progress on the planning front was slow.
I should start at the beginning, or at least go back a bit. We were in the same class at school. We alternated for the top spot. We got on well, you know. Sort of like brother and sister, but she was noticeably beautiful, as well a bright, and as we gravitated towards graduation, I sort of assumed we would go to the prom together, but someone else asked her and so, I didn’t. We were both in College in Dublin, doing different courses, but our social circles overlapped and we ended up quite often together in a bar, or restaurant as part of the same gang. When the May Ball came up, I got in early and we went together. When I asked her, she looked at me strangely for a moment and then said “Yes” as if she couldn’t get the word out fast enough. We had a great time, and I began to think…
But we graduated, she with gold medals and Joint Firsts, and I graduated too. I was offered a job in Berlin and flew out a week later. We didn’t lose touch but contact was intermittent and I rather presumed, reading between the lines, she was getting on with her life. A year later I went back to Dublin for a break and was having a few drinks with some of the guys when in she walked. Our conversations stuttered to a close. I stood up. None of the others thought to do the same. Our eyes met.
“You’re back then?”
“As you see me.” I was just about to explain it was a holiday when she said
“For good, or are you just passing through?” As I replied, I was sad.
“I’m just here for a few days. I go back on Sunday.”
“I see.” she said. With uncharacteristic presence of mind, I said
“I don’t suppose you would like to go for a walk?” Again, I got this strange look, as if she was surprised, or weighing up the pros and cons. But she said yes, and we headed off around College Park. Our conversation started a bit strained, but by the time we got down to the Pav. we were chatting away like old friends, which I suppose we were. As we neared the Pearse Street Gate she casually asked me if ‘I was seeing anyone’. I said no, and as a sort of throwaway line said “Sure I compare them all to you, and lose interest.” She stopped walking. Then seriously she turned to look at me and said “Would you like to analyse for me what you just said?” “Sure, what’s to analyse? You are beautiful, and the nicest person I know, how can anyone compete?” She blushed a little and I felt maybe I had gone a bit too far. She put her hand on my arm, and said “Do you mean it? You are not saying it.” I was not sure where this was going. What I had said I thought was obvious and of course I meant it. I said “Of course I meant it. You are the most …exciting… yes, exciting girl I have ever met.” She leaned up and kissed me. I looked deep into her eyes and we kissed again. It was electric. We walked arm in arm to the station where she caught the train home. On the Sunday I flew back to Berlin. My mind kept going back to the moment when she kissed me. Here in Berlin, I felt a long way away. We had always been like brother and sister but not so much now. I always felt when we were together, she was looking out for me, and I her, rather than a not brother and sister relationship. But looking into her eyes I convinced myself I saw something, and then I convinced myself I had not. When I went home for Christmas I made up my mind to see if there was something there. But her family all went away up north to her grandparents’ house for Christmas, and I did not see her. On Christmas Day I sent her a Happy Christmas text. When I was in the airport on the way back, she texted me asking where I was. I told her the airport. She asked when I would be back. I said I would probably be back for a week in April, and like a fool I said why? “Why do you bloody well think?” she replied.
Things did not run smoothly from there. My job was in cyber security and the firm was as secretive as one of the three letter agencies, so comely discussions of my work were out of the question. It also meant I got to travel a bit, and sometimes incommunicado. On one such sojourn I got a message from her saying she would be in Berlin at the weekend and maybe we could meet. Unfortunately, I would still be in Chile at a conference and would not be back. I texted her back saying I was in South America at a conference. Our communications died there. And then an unfortunate thing happened. On the way back our plane was diverted to Shannon. I happened to know a girl who drove regularly from Limerick to Dublin and I gave her a ring. She was happy to give me a lift and she dropped me at the bar, joining me for a drink to thank her for the ride. This was now about a week or ten days since I had told Polly I was miles away. My friend only stayed for one drink, and getting up to go she gave me a hug and smiling said “Lets get together again sometime soon” as Polly walked in the door. Seeing me apparently occupied, she gave me a wide berth and joined some others at the far end of the room. I caught a taxi and my flight back to Berlin later. As I was leaving, I tried to catch her eye, but she made sure I couldn’t. Things got worse. I only heard this second hand but I am told a gossipy rumour went around about me asserting two things. One: I was a spy, and Two: I had intimate girlfriends scattered all across Europe and possibly beyond. I don’t know who started this but human nature loves a good rumour to spice up the day. Then I got a warning from her brother. Polly had returned from the bar in unconsolable tears and in explaining it seems I was the problem. The message; stay away. Now I was upset. Not in tears, but I slowly realised I had, however unintentionally, messed things up. And this was the girl I had all but told I loved her. Maybe not in so many words. Sitting at my computer in Berlin I found the code on the screen dancing in my unseeing gaze.
So, when the invitation arrived, I was both anxious to be there, horrified to hear Polly was marrying someone else, and not sure who or what etc. I flew home. In the bar I poured out my chagrin to the guys. They all said I had had my chances and in frustration I burst out “Why would Polly marry someone who will never love her anything like as much as I do.” They all went quiet and I thought was what I said. But no, it was Polly and her two brothers who had walked in behind me. All three looked I thought angry, but maybe merely solemn. I smiled at Polly. She didn’t smile back.
“I don’t want any possibility of a misunderstanding. If what you said was from your heart and not because I walked in, there is an obvious next move. I am a bit emotional right now. I have earlier today broken off my engagement. My brothers have taken me out for a drink to cheer me up. I did not really think you would turn up.” There was a pause while we all stood there. The she said “I am so glad you did.”
We have been together ever since.
© Dave Cuffe 2025
2025